What is grief?
When grieving due to a loss or bereavement there are considered to be 5 stages
In this document I am simply outlining what my experience of grieving for a
loved one has meant to me. Grieving is a very personal experience for
everyone. No one human can or should tell you how to grieve. That is
not the intent here.
What I hope this will help you do, is identify what
you are feeling. Also it is to let you know you are not alone with
how you are feeling. I found
helpful to have caring people around me to help.
At some time in
life we all feel loss and must find a way to cope with it.
you have grieved for someone and wish to add your experiences here
so as to help others understand, please do not hesitate to Email us
In the denial stage we refuse to believe what has happened. We try in our
mind to tell ourselves that life is as it was before our loss. We can even
make believe to an extent by re enacting rituals that we used to go through
with our loved one.
Things like: making an extra cup of tea for our loved one who is
no longer there or rushing back to tell someone that you have met an
old friend. Perhaps you may be flashing back to times and conversations
in the past with someone, as though they are here with us now. Introducing
someone accidentally by
ones name to someone else. They can all be part of this stage.
We get angry. The anger can manifest itself in many ways. We can blame others
for our loss. We can become easily agitated, having emotional outbursts.
We can even become angry with ourselves. Care must be taken here not to
turn this anger inwards. Release of this anger is a far better way to cope
with grief in my experience.
I found actually apologising to people after
an outburst and explaining you are not yourself, for given reasons, was
often accepted. This was especially the case with people who I know
Bargaining can be with ourselves or if you are religious, with your god.
Often we will offer something to try to take away the reality and pain
of what has happened. We may try to make a deal, to have our loved
one back as they
were before the tragic event occurred. It is only human to want thing as
they were before. You may only realize that this is happening to you when
someone points it out to you. I know it took me a long time to realize.
Depression is a very likely outcome for all people that grieve for a loss.
This is what I would consider the most difficult stage of the five to deal
There can be a the feeling listlessness and tiredness. You may be wandering
around in a daze, thinking that you are feeling numb. You may be bursting
helplessly into tears, seemingly for no reason. Feeling like there is
no purpose to life any more. Feeling guilty, as if everything is your
You may find you feel like you are being punished. Pleasure and joy can
be difficult to achieve, even from things and activities which you have
always gained delight. There can even be thoughts of suicide.
many different ways in which this stage of grief can manifest itself.
If you at any time in this stage feel like doing yourself any harm,
please do seek professional counseling. Self preservation is a must.
The final stage of grief. It is when you realize that life has to go on.
You may still have thoughts of your loved one, but less intense and less frequent.
You can here accept your loss. You should now be able to regain your energy
and goals for the future. It may take some time to get here but you will.
This stage can take any amount of time to get to. I have known people take
years or months or even days, to decide that they can cope with their loss
and continue with their own lives. Trying to remember all the good that
had transpired, with the loved one can often be a help.
Further less personal but certainly still helpful information is available here
My thanks goes to all who helped me in discussions of what grief and bereavement can mean to a person especially Mr Roger Bowers.
Here you can find a list of funeral directors in North Yorkshire England UK
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